Well, here goes nothing. My first blog post. I have so much to say, and nothing at all. I actually just hope someone reads this and it resonates with someone.
I am a self proclaimed addict. Yup. I said it. I’m completely addicted to the grind. I am overly ambitious and I strive for the sake of striving for things! It is craziness. I don’t remember when this all started for me; this overwhelming desire to achieve, but I remember being in EVERY damned club in high-school. I did this while playing sports, and being in the band, and while pulling A’s. Oh yeah, I was the president of the student council too (obviously). At some point it all got away from me. The meaning behind why we do what we do. I remember going after things, accomplishing things, and tossing the award in a drawer only to keep grinding again. Always more, more, MORE!!
I would love to say I simmered down in my adult life, but that’s a bold face lie. I still crank out a 50-60 hour work week as I sit here writing this. But I have had enough! ENOUGH I tell you! I’m not doing it anymore. A few years ago, I was leaving work at 8:30 pm. After a 12 hour day (which included a fight with my boss) I finally got out of my chair to drag myself home. I was seething as I was walking….so in my head that I nearly got hit by a car. You know the angry…the type you can actually ‘taste’? Yep, all kinds of angry. And then it happened: there was no rain, or wind that helped. There was some dim lighting and a pothole that could have been avoided. Of course I fell into it! I broke my ankle in 3 places and ruptured all my ligaments so badly that I eventually needed re-constructive surgery. I remember lying in the parking lot, all disheveled, crawling back to my car like an extra from the Walking Dead, getting into my car and laughing…..and then crying. Crying that it happened again. I had let myself get so crazy, so busy and so angry that I had fallen into the pothole both literally and proverbially.
But do you think I learned from that?! Aww HELL NAH! Just like any other addict, I pretended I was going to slow down. I cut a bunch of stuff from my list. I did yoga. And slowly but surely, I said “yes” to things to fill the space I created. However, this time I said ” I can control it” or “it’s all for a bigger cause”. I am sitting here, hoping now that’s it’s not too late. I’ve spent the last few months in recovery for my busyness addiction. It has cost me friendships, and relationships, and time especially with myself. I have created a mountain of resources that have helped me recover both mentally and physically and I can’t wait to share them with you!
This blog is a journey for me. We are going to talk about health. We are going to talk about wellness and self-care. We are going to dive into ways we can stop the crazy striving and get back in touch with how we actually want to FEEL. I want to enjoy this journey; I am going to savor the things I write about and be real about the struggle. Make no mistake; this journey is not over for me yet. I am hoping that somewhere along the line, someone else gets inspired to say “no”. It’s spring and it’s a perfect time for rebirth. ” Each morning we are born again. What we do today, is what matters most.” ~Buddha